How Much is School? by Paul K., 703

Some people dream about what they would do if they ran the school. I don’t. I dream bigger. What would I do if I owned the school? Well, after I graduate, selling it is a real possibility. So, let’s explore that possibility. How much money would I make if I hypothetically sold the school?  Figuring this out is going to involve a lot of math. I can’t believe I am doing this voluntarily.

Using measurements from Google Maps and my trusty calculator, I calculated the size of the school, which including all the floors, the yard, and all the school property, is wait for it… about 163, 500 square feet. To give you some perspective, Trump’s New York City Penthouse is 30,000 square feet. Even our relatively little school building is more than five times bigger than Trump’s place. I’m starting to imagine the cost of the school already, and I’m seeing a whole lot of zeroes. But why imagine the cost when we almost have the actual cost? For the final step, I have to multiply the square footage by the price per square foot in the neighborhood, which, according to Trulia.com, is between 430 and 680 dollars per square foot. If we average that out to about 550 dollars per square foot we can value the school at …

Wait.

Really?

I must have done some math wrong…

WOW.

$89,925,000.00. Eighty-nine million, nine-hundred fifty-two thousand dollars. Almost 90 million dollars! That’s roughly how much you will make if you owned the school and sold it. And that figure excludes everything inside the building! Of course, there are so many factors that can affect the price, but that number’s definitely in the ballpark. I have a newfound respect for the building I’m in five days a week. But let’s get back to the 90 million dollars. If you sold the school and made that money, you would join the 0.0004% of the population. Forget top one percent, how about top 0.0004%?

Sadly, we don’t own the school, and if we sold it (without owning it) that would be a crime. But who would sell this school? The geniuses it produces will probably make much more than 90 million dollars altogether and do so many more great things than 90 million dollars can ever buy. It still is really cool to think that our school is worth that much. Now, every time you lack the motive to go to school just tell yourself that you’re walking into a 90-million-dollar mega mansion.

And since it’s fun to dream, I made a flyer advertising our fine piece of real estate.