I didn’t mean to sound so cryptic and edgy in this but this was written at 10pm October 26 which was only a couple hours before I took the SHSAT so I wanted to document how I felt in my final hours alive.
It’s just been lingering above my head like a storm cloud. With the occasional lightning bolt to remind me that, no, I can’t hang out with my friends today, I have prep. For a long time, it was all I could think about. Just a week before the test, I still thought of it as it taking place in the distant future. Now that it’s in less than 10 hours, it feels way too real for comfort.
I have been putting my all into preparing since basically 6th grade, but it’s never enough. At some point along the road, I was just so tired of filling in the same 114 questions. Coming home on Saturdays from 9-5 prep and being flattened onto my bed after basically a full work day of practice tests was exhausting.
I realize it’s pointless studying now, but I’m still sitting here with a review book open and nearly falling asleep on my books. I didn’t want to spend my last night before the SHSAT misty-eyed and reading the same pages over and over again, but I don’t have a choice.
Teachers always say just stop going to prep. It’s not that easy. It’s been way over 365 days and I can’t quit now. The several thousand dollars my parents already paid for these classes won’t let me quit now. The pressure on my shoulders won’t let me quit now.
To every future eighth grader whos taking the SHSAT, please live. Have a life. I know you’ve probably heard it over and over again, but you’re really going to regret wasting countless hours of your time.